A Right Good Spanking

L takes me for a pleasant  amble up Parliament Hill today, which is on Hampstead Heath, where in 1605 conspirators gathered with the intention of watching the Houses of Parliament go up in flames, giving rise to it's name. Then we head back to the Velodrome for both the afternoon and evening sessions. 

In the break between the sessions we attempt to find a decent pub but fail miserably. I’ve always wondered who placed the Olympic Park in a beer desert. So it’s pints of electrically pumped  London Pride and Velodrome Curry (rather nice actually) instead. 

On the track, Andy Tennant beats team mate Owain Doull for bronze in the Pursuit, while the women’s Team Pursuiters redeem themselves from a horrible qualifying ride yesterday to also take bronze. Mark Cavendish rides a decent Elimination Race in the Omnium to come in second but possibly shows his lack of understanding of the rules in failing to land the win. The start performer though in Jon Dibben, Cav’s rival for an Olympic Omnium place who bags a terrific Points Race win.

We are urged to stay behind to help in the filming of a Sport Relief stunt involving Michael Crawford and Bradley Wiggins. This mainly involves a lot of jumping up and down on our part as well spanking the bottom of the person next to us. So expect numerous court cases for trauma and sexual assault to be filed retrospectively some time in the next thirty years. The woman next to me is far too keen and aggressive with her spanking. It's a good job I'm not the litigious type.

After all that spanking we are too late to hit another pub so we have a glass of wine back at the hotel bar instead.

(Friday 4^th March)

Parkrun Debut

I finally, many years after registering for the Nottingham launch at Colwick Park, run my first parkrun. This is at Conkers, where we also meet some friends and where I run with MD on one of the most dog unfriendly courses ever. It's very narrow and an out and back. This doesn’t stop several canicross runners leading everyone around propelled by their dogs before terrifying the back markers as they head back the other way.

MD and I try hard to keep out of everyone’s way, running at the edge of the trail where my foot catches a tree root and I go sprawling. MD doesn't notice at first and keeps running until he realises that he now has an inanimate object attached to him. Doggo would have had the first aid kit out by now.

My barcode, printed by our printer at home that is almost out of ink, does not scan properly. So despite having gone all the way with Conkers, having gone down on my knees in the dirt and crawled for Conkers, I have still to officially lose my parkrun virginity.

Afterwards, L drops me at the match where Derby draw their first home game of the season in a dour 1-1 with Charlton.

We leave the stadium at about 5:10pm and have just 50 minutes to kill before the doors open for the Revolution Cycling Event at the Velodrome. Oddly nowhere is open to accommodate us for a bit of time killing. Igors restaurant is only open Monday to Friday, Starbucks is closed and even Greggs is shut. We try to get in to McFarland’s bar inside the stadium but are told if you don’t attend pre-game you can’t come in post-game. Cheers Roy.

One thing that is open and trading are the burger vans. So we garb a coffee from one of them and sit outside the velodrome where we bump into one of the guys I used to play six-as-side football with.

L joins us just before 6pm and we are treated to an evening of exciting cycling. Largely the long drawn out sprint competition for both men and women, which you don’t usually get on the same night but also the more entertaining elimination races, Madison time trail and the Longest Lap.

Mark Cavendish is competing in the Omnium and comes 4^th in the elimination race. He may have won it had he not took a shortcut onto the inside of the track and got himself disqualified.

All this was after we had to haul my mother up the near vertical steps to her seat. Then back down again, although she does pull a young fella to help her with that. The bar isn’t too bad with a few decent bottled beers, although having to pour out so many bottles inevitably leads to some long queues.

L and I head to the Brunswick afterwards, I’m hoping the new Hole in the Bucket is still available but sadly they don’t have any. We stay quite late and attempt to get the new 12:15am Red Arrow of whose existence we do doubt after it doesn’t appear on the electronic boards but it confounds our scepticism by showing up unannounced and on time.

(Saturday 15^th August)