Nothing Pleases Like Maltesers

L’s Mother has been rather inundated with chocolate over Christmas and I am asked to dispose of it, which is a service I provide free of charge. Most particularly the 48 bags and 3 boxes of Maltesers that she received this year which is the outcome of coming out as a self-confessed Maltesers addict a few years ago. As they say 'Nothing pleases like Maltesers'.

I take a couple of boxes to work with me. They've not been opened yet though, it’s a bit early in the year for such debauchery. 

Not that I ever start the year with any New Year’s Resolutions because if you decide to give up your vices you don’t actually live any longer, it’s just your life becomes so tedious and boring that it seems longer.

On Friday I’m on the bike again, that’s the third time in less than two weeks, but it was hard and into the wind all the way.

Saturday is Parkrun again. It seems to be almost a daily occurrence at the moment. We run at Shipley Park and I remember why I don’t like it too much there as the second lap gets the Lad and I up caught in traffic. It’s still a Shipley PB for us though. Then I drop L at Pilates.

We stay in later ahead of Sunday’s Sherwood Pines 10k.

(Saturday 4^th January)

Project Tokyo

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After successfully attending the London Olympics in 2012 we were inspired to visit Sochi for the 2014 Winter ones. After which we prevaricated badly over Rio and PyeongChang and ended up not going to either. So we decided that Tokyo 2020 was a must but then I missed the initial ticket ballot. 

Luckily the remaining tickets went on sale this week on a ‘first come first served’ basis and I quickly dived in to snag tickets for the Women’s Cycling Road Race as well as some for Taekwondo and Archery. Project Tokyo is go.

Then after catching my breath I went back to get some more for Weightlifting and Rugby Sevens. That was when I realised that the Cycling and possibly the Taekwondo clashes with next year’s dog show. It might not be popular if one of the chief organisers fails to turn up for that. So I probably have tickets to sell, which shouldn't be a problem.

I manage two days dog training this week, Monday and Wednesday, going to my Club’s session both days, rather than Monday's at Codnor, to sort out the errant payers in the Beginners Classes. I cycle twice, Wednesday and Thursday, but there is no tennis. There are no courts available as there is a Junior Tournament on.

On Saturday we are again at Alvaston parkrun, my new favourite. I feel that if I’m going break my PB with the Lad it’s going to be there.

In the evening, L has another run as her new running club has asked for volunteers to participate in a dress rehearsal of the 5 Mile race they hope to put on from next year. The race starts near Smalley and covers a lot of the area around Shipley Park. It’s largely off road, so I opt to hold her coat and the dogs while she does it along with Daughter.

On Sunday I am at a Crufts Team Qualifier which is my first visit to the new venue at Royle Farm near Drakelow. The event is run by Rugby Dog Training Club and yes, it is still nowhere near Rugby. I don’t have a dog in the event, or even in any class at the show, MD is no longer up to the jump height and the Lad simply isn’t ‘up to it’ no matter what he thinks. Our two teams give their all but we won’t be going to Crufts next year. 

It is all over very quickly and I am home for lunch.

(Sunday 14^th July)

Unhealthy Obsession

Today it's the Mathew Walker Christmas Pudding Run at Shipley Park where all runners get, yes you guessed it, a Mathew Walker Christmas Pudding. These usually hang around our house all year long as we're not great Christmas Pudding eaters.

Unfortunately due to my unhealthy obsession with getting injured I deferred entering this race assuming that the inevitable would happen. By the time it didn’t, the race was full.

L does it though, as does Daughter and L's sister. Naturally the boys and I go along to offer up our support although unfortunately I forget to take the balls to keep them occupied. I resort to sticks, none of which the Lad will let MD have. Instead he tries to cram as many into his mouth as he can.

It's not the most exciting of races and I'm not training for anything at the moment, so I can't say I'm jealousy of the girls doing it but they all seem to enjoy it. 

(Sunday 18^th November)

Not Your Typical Girl Meets Girl Story

This morning we sample another new Parkrun this time at Shipley Park, which thankfully is nowhere near as hilly as the one at Bestwood. Of course we also sample the café afterwards.

Then it’s the final home match of the football season as Derby take on and beat Wolverhampton Wanders but in what is really a totally meaningless fixture.

In the evening we’re at Broadway to see the Handmaiden with a Shipstone’s Nut Brown Ale in hand.

The Handmaiden is an adaptation of Sarah Waters' ‘Fingersmith’ by Park Chan-Wook, the man who made one of my favourite quirky films ‘Stoker’. The original was a sort of Victorian Dickensian affair but Park has moved the story to Japanese occupied Korea in the 1930s. Which is an odd choice but we’ll go with it. The dialogue is in both Japanese and Korean with different coloured subtitles for each language which is a nice touch, if a slightly surreal one as it’s largely pointless.

The story revolves around a young ‘fingersmith’ Sook-hee (Kim Tae-ri) who is hired as a handmaiden (aka a maid) to a Japanese heiress Lady Izumi Hideko (Min-hee Kim) but she has an ulterior motive but then to be fair, so do most of the characters. Her aim is to persuade Hideko to marry Count Fujiwara (Jung-woo Ha) who is actually a conman and whom she is working for. Once he has married Hideko he says will commit her to an asylum and steal her inheritance.

Things begin to go a bit tits up (if you excuse the rather appropriate phrase) when the two women start making lustful eyes at each other seemingly from the off. This could well be due to their complete isolation in their mansion and also the complete lack of any heterosexual options, although this is obviously a very un-PC thing to say. All the men are repulsive characters who would rather get their sexual kicks at the ‘erotic’ book club ran by Hideko's unpleasant Uncle Kouzuki (Cho Jin-woong) where Hideko herself is required to be the narrator. Previously it was her aunt, who went on to hang herself from a tree.

When Hideko asks Sook-hee how the Count would make love to her once they are married Sook-hee demonstrates, albeit with an improvised girl on girl version. The film doesn’t hold back in it’s coverage of this but it’s all very tastefully shot and you find yourself admiring the fantastic cinematography... among other things. It even seems almost educational, I mean scissoring, does anyone really do that in real life? Please enlighten me.

So now the two lead female characters are in love or at least in lust and there’s barely yet been a conversation between the two.

At this point, I should perhaps mention that the story is divided into three parts and part two revisits part one from a different perspective. This involves revisiting scenes as well as moving back and forth through time. Which isn’t as confusing as I would have thought.

The first two parts were really clever but the third part got a bit messy and the whole thing ends up a bit disappointing with a scene near the conclusion that seemed unnecessarily violent and out of place with the rest of the film.

Even so I enjoyed the film and if you love a good tale of lesbian passion with your tales of jealousy and betrayal then this one’s for you.

Afterwards, there’s more Brown Ale on offer in the Scribblers, which L now tells me is one of her least favourite pubs because the wine is son crap there. So we move on to the Blue Monkey where they not only have Amaretto Gorilla but a strong 5.0% Monkey Mild as well.

(Saturday 29^th April)

Crushed Almond Or Biscuit Crunch?

Today L runs the 28^th edition of Heanor’s Matthew Walker 10k. Yes, named after the pudding. For which they have a new route which goes right around Shipley Park. The boys and I are again there to support. We have a muddy yomp around the park but sadly the bacon butty queue is far too long to have any refreshments.

They have a steel band to serenade the runners, who are very good even if I can’t work out why they’re playing the Test Match special theme tune. Also known as Booker T’s Soul Limbo.

L does a good time and is handed her Mathew Walker produce. Pudding #1.

Later on we head over to Leamington to see Son, where we have an excellent but very expensive Thai meal. Which also specialised in small portions. Perhaps you can tell I wasn’t over struck.

Son is threatening to be home for a few days before Christmas, which is great obviously if we had anywhere for him to stay. Everything is a sea of decorating at the moment and we’re still having problems deciding on whether it's Crushed Almond or Biscuit Crunch for the hall. Personally I think white chocolate would look good but I daren’t go there.

(Sunday 23^rd November)

Lost In Shipley Park

Today I do the Cycle 4 Life Bike Ride from Nottingham University, this is in aid of Children's Brain Tumour Research. There’s a reasonable entry and we are released in blocks of twenty from 9.30 onwards. The roads are very busy by then, clearly the garden centres are already open and it’s a bit of a trawl before we break out of the city boundaries.

The first excitement arrives when they take us through Shipley Park because either their signage is poor or someone has nicked all the signs. Everyone gets lost and there are huge groups of cyclists riding round in circles looking for the way out of the park.

Eventually we follow a group of people carrying their bikes up a bank and see a bit of yellow sign just visible through some bushes. Sorted.

After the feed station at Belper, where there are some nice snack biscuits, we’re onto quieter country roads and some fairly serious hills.

After missing one right turn and back tracking, the signage really isn’t great, I miss another one after the second feed station at Stanley where they have done us sandwiches for lunch. I’m in Kirk Hallam before I realise I’ve missed it and by now I’m on autopilot, on one of my regular routes home. So I keep going and rejoin the route further down in Wollaton Vale. That hacked about two miles off the route I reckon.

I complete the 50 miles in 3:13. L meets me with the dogs after doing a brick session. We both have a Brakspear beer from the Arts Centre. Nice and local, not.

Back home, Daughter does her bucket challenge having been nominated by L. Daughter as expected nominates me. Good luck with that one. 

(Sunday 31^st August)