Greasy Spoon

Today we head down to Leicester for the Braunston parkrun, which is one we haven’t done before. MD seriously holds be back today. It’s true that there is less lead biting at the start but possibly more barking, if that’s possible. However what really stuffs our time is his FIVE comfort breaks. Three of which require a poo bag and I’ve only stuffed two down my shorts. That’s inconvenient but it’s the lost time that’s the real disaster.

Afterwards the only place to grab a coffee is the local leisure centre but I don’t think they’ll be much chance of a bacon roll there. They’ll probably just be a coffee machine and a long queue.

Instead we head home to see if we pass any cafes on the way back. Surprisingly we come across one of those greasy spoon affairs that lurk in laybys. This one, which is called Paula’s and is staffed by a chap who doesn’t look much like a Paula, is actually rather posh. It even has its own Batmobile and website.

In the afternoon Derby beat Rotherham 3-0 at what will soon no longer be called the iPro Stadium. What was supposed to be a 10 year deal will apparently end on 1^st January after just three years.

L again picks tonight’s film, so it’s a good job I get to take a pint of Centurion in with me. 

 
Ok. So I admit I was the one who watched all the Harry Potter films without fully understanding what was going on. Well, I did follow the first one which was utterly charming and the second to last one which was a bit like a proper film but the rest were all well, full of the sort of stuff I didn’t really understand. Wizardry you might call it. Made up stuff. So it’s fair to say that ‘Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them’ probably wasn’t made for me.

It's been five years since the last Harry Potter film and it’s a surprise that it’s taken that long for them to decide to bleed the original idea dry but now they clearly have now. ‘Fantastic Beasts’ is based on a fictional textbook Harry and his classmates studied at Hogwarts and JK Rowling published as a short story in 2001.

We are now back in the 1920’s and in the interests of coining the more lucrative American market the action has been moved to New York. Former Hogwarts student and now wizard zoologist Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) has arrived in the city on route to Arizona where he is going to release a Thunderbird into the wild.

When he arrives he is arrested by Porpetina Goldstein (Katherine Waterston) aka Tina a downgraded Auror from MACUSA (Magical Congress of the United States of America) whose job it is to investigate any unregistered wizard who comes into the city.

By now Newt has lost his suitcase, which contains not only the Thunderbird but other fantastic beasts, after one of the oldest tricks in the world, the old swapped suitcase affair. Consequently his beasts end up with no-maj (aka muggle) wannabe baker Jacob Kowalski (Dan Fogler).

The charges against Newt are dismissed by Percival Graves (Colin Farrell), presumably the boss, when he examines Newt's suitcase to find nothing but doughnuts while the contents of his original suitcase escape and run amok in NYC. 

Newt and Tina along with Jacob and Tina’s mind-reading sister Queenie (Alison Sudol), who seems to have the hots for Jacob, now team up to recapture them Pokémon-go style. Queue comic chase sequences.

Yes the Niffler, a magical platypus with an expensive strain of kleptomania, is cute and funny as it attempts to cram all the world’s valuables into its bottomless stomach but Eddie Redmayne performing a mating dance with the aim of luring a rhino-style beast, an Erumpent, is beyond excruciating.

You know that studios have run out of ideas when they end up resorting to more and more special effects. An hour into this I already have a CGI related headache along with a severe case of boredom.

Headache aside, I was sort of with everything to this point but new characters such as Credence Barebone (Ezra Miller), the adopted child of the wizard hating Mary Lou (Samantha Morton), keep coming at you from all angles without much in the way of an explanation. 

None of these characters added up to much which meant I didn’t really care much for any of them. What made the Harry Potter watchable was that the brilliant characters which are sadly absent here.

Rowling is capable of much better than this. We know she is, Casual Vacancy, Cormoran Strike etc. To me ‘Fantastic Beasts’ is a cluttered mess and I haven’t been so unentertained in a long time.

At least you know it's a wind up when Johnny Depp appears at the end as Grindewald... it is a wind up, isn’t it? Apparently not, this is going to be a series of five films. Wake me up when it's all over.

Afterwards we have a couple of beers in the Scribblers’ ‘Room With A Brew’ before rounding the night off with a couple of Chocolate Gorillas in the Blue Monkey. We did stick our heads in the Borlase on the way to the Blue Monkey but they’d only got Tuck on, so we didn't stay. Good job really, would have hated to miss out on the CG.

(Saturday 19^th November)

Otherwise Known As

Today I take the car to my parents’ house, leave it there and then run the 8km into work from there. Then I’ll do the same again in reverse at 5pm. It goes ok but it was very slow. 5:30 per km. Which I will put down to the early morning blues, otherwise known as a slight hangover.

L takes hers for a swim but craves a greasy spoon breakfast. Sounds like a good idea to me.

Daughter meanwhile is engaging in some trans-county travelling as she criss-crosses the country to avoid paying pre-9am train fares from Nottingham on her way to a job interview in Manchester. She buses to Derby, walks from bus to train station, trains to Sheffield then changes at Sheffield for Manchester. She does her interview and then is set to do the whole thing again in reverse; only they let her get a direct train back to Nottingham.

My run back is quicker, at my acceptable half marathon pace of 5:00 per km.

Tonight, Derby get through to the 3^rd Round of the league cup, a late goal defeating Charlton.

(Tuesday 26^th August)

In Search Of The Greasy Spoon

Thwarted for chips last night, we depart Cwmbran this morning and look for a greasy spoon cafe for breakfast. Well actually in the end we look for something a bit more highbrow and head for Ross on Wye, which sounds like it might be a bit posh or is that Hay On Wye? Once there, Ross not Hay, we find a nice little cafe but the breakfast still has all the hallmarks of greasy spoonism, so I guess that’s a result on all fronts.

They’ve predicted a cold snap and maybe they’re right for once because at home the heating comes on, all on its own. So it must be cold. I hope it’s not been doing that while we’ve been away. I give it a right lecture on the price of gas and eventually it goes off again in shame.

I have a committee meeting tonight which I’m not looking for to. The arguments have carried on spasmodically via email ever since the last meeting and predictably they are soon back at full throttle once the meeting commences. It all culminates with one of the argumentees walking out with less than half an hour on the clock. It doesn’t get any more exciting than this at the dog club. Funnily enough once they’ve gone everything continues apace, we get loads covered and finish on time at 9pm for the first time in the year I’ve been on the committee. Way to go.

(Monday 17th October)