The IT Man

L is out there in the Covid infected big wild world this week, at work, ploughing through hundreds of neglected emails. Where she claims to have hardly seen anyone except for those clearing out the office across the corridor from her, emptying their desks, taking their computers home, and waving goodbye to L as they pass.

It will save that company a fortune in office space and it'll save the staff a fortune in travel, parking fees and childcare. This new normal is going to be quite interesting. There won’t even be an IT man on site anymore, so it’s a good job L has her own IT man on tap.

I’m not too sure I like the new normal at Sainsburys. Although I can now buy some things again that haven’t been on the shelves for a while, there are still at least twenty things I usually buy that are still not available. When, for instance, are curried beans coming back?

Nottingham City Council Leisure aka Active Nottingham Online launch their online exercise classes. You would say that they are perhaps, as ever, a little late to the party but at least they’re here now.

Derby win again on Wednesday, 1-0 at Preston, launching perhaps a improbable late tilt at the Play Offs.

The Lad is missing the still at work L and frustrated at my refusal to play with him constantly. He keeps emphasising his displeasure by jabbing his really sharp nose into my stomach while I’m trying to work.

On Friday I bike to work which I said I would only do if the weather was good. So naturally I have light drizzle in the morning and more persistent rain when I cycle home later. With L in work too in the morning and then visiting her parents in the afternoon the dogs are home alone for a whole day for the first time in months. That’s a shock to their system.

(Friday 3^rd July)

Behind Closed Doors

There is a panicked call from my Dad on Saturday morning as my Mum can't get out of her chair and she is taken into hospital. In these Covid-19 times, I learn the difference between Red and Green A&E and of course we’re not allowed to visit but it appears she’s fine, just suffering low blood pressure.

Championship football returns today behind closed doors, and as we’re not allowed to see my Mum, I bring my Dad over to watch the match. Derby County have given us free streaming to all remaining nine games home and away. Obviously I don’t expect it to work seamlessly and expect a few issues but in fact it all runs brilliantly. It’s 1pm start and Derby win 3-2 at Millwall.

Rather bizarrely L’s Dad ends up in A&E on the same day but he’s fine too and he’s home in the evening while they keep my Mum in overnight.

Sunday is Father's Day but still no Mum, who is kept in for a second night. We go over to see my Dad with the dogs and meet my Brother there, where the Lad has a go at his cousin.

(Sunday 21^st June)

Social Distancing Protocol

This year they have moved the May Day Bank Holiday to the Friday to celebrate L’s birthday, which was very nice of them and it wasn’t even a milestone one. It’s also the 75^th Anniversary of VE Day which is convenient, not that there are going to be many celebrations this year due to Covid-19.

To be honest VE Day always makes me feel a touch queasy. I'm all for remembering the war effort, both those who died for the cause and those who survived, but I find all this Union Flag waving unsettling.

After all the war was won by a collaboration between over two dozen nations in which, of course, Britain played a major role but alongside huge roles by the United States and the Soviet Union. It may also not be popular to mention the very significant part played by China.

There may not be many celebrations around but, while out on our run, the Lad and I still manage to disrupt a street party. There was a social distanced gap for us to run through.

Daughter comes over with a cake and waves from the end of the drive. That’s for L’s birthday not VE Day, well I assume that’s what it’s for. The Lad rushes out and breaks social distancing protocol to greet her. MD though is still strictly following Government guidelines and refuses to go beyond the front door.

On Saturday L and I watch ‘Kinky Boots’ the film which was made in 2005 starring Joel Edgerton, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Sarah-Jane Potts. I am delighted, and L disappointed, to discover that it isn’t a musical unlike the 2013 Broadway production with music by Cyndi Lauper.

Then on Sunday we watch a film off our unwatched DVD pile. Seven weeks or so into Lockdown and it’s the first one we’ve watched. L produces a short list from which I pick ‘The Clan of the Cave Bear’ from 1986, the fact it stars Daryl Hannah does not influence my decision. She plays the role of a girl raised by a group of Neanderthals. It was considered a box office flop at the time, at least in the US but considering the dialogue is all grunts and sign language which is translated with subtitles perhaps it’s not surprising. It might have gone down better now the Americans are used to trying to understand Trump.

While no one can quite understand most of what comes out of Trump’s mouth, our beloved Boris isn’t a whole lot better. He waffles out a statement telling us we can go to work tomorrow, sort of, apparently, if you can, if you want.

He also unveils a Covid-19 threat level system which is on a scale from one to five. He says the number, illustrated by an accompanying graphic, is derived by adding R, the rate of infection, to the number of infections. R is now, apparently, between 0.5 and 0.9 while the number of infections is around the 220,000 mark. So on a scale of one to five we're at 220,000.5 at best). So it's not looking good them.

(Sunday 10^th May)

We Are So Cultured

So Saturday was streaming an Art House movie while Sunday was streaming from the National Theatre. We are so cultured. The National Theatre's ‘At Home’ series brings us our second home theatre night in Lockdown with Frankenstein starring Jonny Lee Miller and Benedict Cumberbatch.

Then in the week, to add yet another cultural dimension, we have a book quiz thanks to ‘Lauren and the Books’ who does a book thing regularly on YouTube along with her bloke Beardy David. Obviously I’m not a lot of use but L gets quite a few right.

Something else I’m not much use with is L’s assorted workouts. This is because I’ve not been participating but the Lad has. Whether it’s PT, yoga or Pilates he’s been there for her. I’m not sure which is his favourite.

 

One thing I have participated in is one of those Facebook '10 Best’ lists, it’s as if people have time on their hands. I was finally snared when a friend dropped me in it and asked me to list ten albums which have greatly influenced my taste in music.

The brief is one album per day for ten consecutive days but as that would be about as many Facebook posts as I've ever done in my life, I do my ten in one go.

Eight come from the eighties - Dare (Human League 1981), Pornography (The Cure 1982), The Hurting (Tears For Fears 1983), Power, Corruption & Lies (New Order 1983), First & Last & Always (Sisters Of Mercy 1985), Dawnrazor (Fields of the Nephilim 1987), Babble (That Petrol Emotion 1987) and Surfer Rosa (The Pixies 1988).

Then there’s one which is a later influence in Yesterday Went Too Soon (Feeder 1999) who have become the band I have most seen live. Oh and one from my childhood, Keep on Wombling (Wombles 1974).

After originally being told that a ‘good outcome’ would be keeping the death toll below 20,000 we now have 30,000 deaths from Covid-19 in the UK. That’s 12 per cent of the worldwide total and rising. We are second only to the United States, never a good look. 

Thursday is my fortnightly sortie into the war zone that is Asda. The lack of social distancing seems to be getting worse and when I get home I email a complaint. Although first I have to ring up to get an email address to complain to as their customer service one just rejects it. They give me the CEO’s and to their credit they do answer the next day.

On the way to take my parents' shopping over to them the Astra breaks down in Borrowash. I suspect a snapped timing belt. L has to head over to rescue the dogs, my Dad has to come to fetch his own shopping while I eventually come home on the back of a lorry.

 

(Thursday 7^th May)

Murky Waters

Monday is my birthday and, as a treat to myself, a little lockdown birthday present to myself arrives - a set of Sonos speakers for my ‘new office’. I receive a keg from Daughter to go with my two from L. At the same time L’s new Garmin watch arrives, that I’ve contributed to for her birthday in two weeks’ time.

Later we both go for a run, dog free, meet up with Daughter, and run through the deserted city centre which actually isn’t anywhere near as deserted as I thought it would be.

By Wednesday the Government is further muddying the already murky waters that are the Covid-19 death figures by including care homes in the number for first time and presumably back dating them but I can’t find any official figures that would confirm this.

Meanwhile the angry folk on the internet don’t know how to deal with everything that is going on. The virus seems to not only be racist but quite possibly sexist as well. Outrage. By the normal way of things the virus should have both apologised and resigned by now. Sadly, for the angry folk, it doesn’t even appear to be on Twitter.

Throughout the week I binge watch ‘Normal People’ which is the new TV series everyone is talking about. Oh how it is to be populist for once. L gives it a brief disparaging eye and leaves me to it. She’s read the book but didn’t rate it. Obviously I haven’t read the book but I watch all twelve half hour episodes over three nights.

It does start off with you wanting to club both of the main characters around the head with progressively larger and more painful objects. Of course this may be why people can relate to it. I can recall plenty of people who extracted that particular desire from me as I passed through the School to University to Post-University period that the series documents. Then it slides more into my traditional territory as it gets progressively darker and miserable in the second half.

We have a wet few days, so the Lad doesn’t get a run until Thursday. The joy of not having any plans is that I can run whenever and not just when there are gaps in my schedule. Schedules are so last year. Naturally, it starts to rain five minutes after we’ve left the house.

We’re back in time for Jay’s Quiz, which is still going strong, but The Times quiz doesn't reappear having, I think, disappeared under the weight of its own technological failures. 

(Friday 1^st May)

Something For The Weekend

In Sainsburys this week, while bread is now plentiful they still have no pitta. Well they haven’t now after I had the last pack of white ones but it’s the first pack of pitta I’ve seen since the Covid-19 crisis started.

I can’t say I’m impressed with the Government’s handling of it all. For a start, their ‘Daily Death’ figure is a sham because this figure is newly reported deaths whenever they occurred. They do issue a spreadsheet with the figures detailing exactly when the deaths occurred and some of these are from over a month ago.

It seems to me the Government has taken advantage of this delay in reporting to keep the daily figure low initially, thereby avoiding hitting the feared 1000 a day, but are now slotting in the deaths that it ‘missed’ now that we’re passed the theoretical peak (which was as long ago as the 8^th April) or perhaps I’m just a sceptic.

I get an email from Trent Barton saying that they are starting to increase their bus services again with a view to getting back to normal. Even though the Government insist there is no plan to phase out the lockdown and Trent Barton currently have very few customers. Something is clearly afoot.

Meanwhile Germany has banned all events before the end of August and any events of more than 5000 people before end of October, hence the Berlin Marathon is off. As Germany have far fewer cases than here, something similar is going to be coming our way but no one seems willing to admit it.

Not that the French seem any different. They seem to be certain that the Tour de France will go ahead from 29^th August. Seems unlikely to me.

We have a new quiz on Tuesday from Beer Bods, who I get some of my beer from. Technically it is the best quiz so far as they have an online entry sheet that is slick and easy to use. Although I don’t like the fact that there is a time limit on answering and the longer you take the less points you get for a correct answer. Also the presenters, in common will all quiz hosts, talk too much.

On Thursday I head over to Asda in West Bridgford to shop for my parents. Social Distancing has yet to catch on in West Bridgford and it is the easily the unhealthiest environment I’ve been in for some time and that probably includes before lockdown. My Dad’s bank card is declined at the till meaning he will again want to pay me in cash. Cash isn’t much good to me as I’ve stopped using it and I can’t see me using any this side of Christmas, if ever.

There is also a new quiz from The Times. It is the most ambitious one yet but unfortunately the technology doesn’t work and loads of people (including us) complain of not being able to submit our answers. The first round is also incredibly niche, being about The Times itself, but it does get better. Unfortunately the host, Matt Chorley whose Red Box column I enjoy, sets a new world record for inane chatter by a quiz host.

On Friday, the weekend arrives in the shape of two kegs from the Magpie Brewery, purchased by L for my Birthday. I start on the Cherry Raven and we order out from Anoki who unfortunately, and to the dogs’ disgust, forget the poppadums. 

(Friday 24^th April)

Keep Washing Your Hands

They tell us to keep thoroughly washing our hands to avoid contracting the Coronavirus, now given the name COVID-19 by the WHO, which is all good advice and what we should be doing anyway. They also tell us not to touch our faces which isn’t so easy. I mean, have you tried putting in contact lenses without touching your face. Suddenly it takes far longer to get ready for work in the mornings.

Sainsbury's are late sending out my new visa card and have blocked my old card before the new one has arrived meaning I have to pay for today’s shopping on a different card. This loses me about 90 Nectar points or meagre 45p. I ring them up more to ask where the new card is rather than to complain about the lost points, although I do have a small whinge, and they credit my account with 18,000 points. That's about £90. So, it does pay to complain...massively.

I manage to cycle on Tuesday and it was hard work in the still strong winds but then I am so unfit at the moment.

L skips running club saying that she doesn’t want to be faffing around with doing intervals at the club now she’s a proper athlete and running from home will give her more hoover time even when it turns out to be 10k in the rain. I’ve never known anyone get so excited about a new hoover.

She's looking forward to a night on her own with her new gadget while the boys and I are at dog training. She's never this keen to get alone with me...

On Wednesday she is London for work, which is another icy morning. A day in London with her boss probably means another day of crap eating. He’s the one who bought her four crème eggs and a bar of dairy milk for lunch the other day. There’s none of your five a day in there and most of it makes its way home to me where it goes in my not-so-secret secret drawer. 

In the evening I meet up with a friend of mine after work. Instead of going to the pub, we meet at the Derby Winter Beer Festival at the Roundhouse.

On Thursday L does go to her club while I run from 14 miles from work. 

(Thursday 20^th February)