Not The Ashby 20

The Grindleford Gallop goes ahead on Saturday. I tease L with the prospect of the Sleaford Half which is still on for Sunday but I was only joking (I think) and knowing our luck they’d cancel it as soon as we turned up anyway.

There’s also the fact that we wake up, after our (possibly last) night out last night, to find it’s raining heavily. So it’s not really the sort of weather than makes you long for a 20 mile run even if Ashby have still been on. Some folks are doing a virtual version of the race instead. I think I’ll leave them to it.

When the rain eventually stops we have another go at the Bleep Test with Daughter, this time at Forest Rec and on flatter ground. It’s a case of ‘close but no cigar’ for Daughter. She did have a hangover today and she does has time to crack it. I’m in though, if they want me.

We have coffee in Homemade but they are no longer doing Sunday Lunch so we go to the Nurseryman instead.

Then a suspicious photo of a puppy arrives on WhatsApp. It appears my brother has a dog or will have when they pick him up in a week’s time and it looks like a Border Collie.

(Sunday 15^th March)

Railroaded

On the bike! Blimey! It’s been a while and it’s only my second ride in December.

It’s also the pub today and festive venison casserole. L is not so lucky. Half a ham roll (white), half a mini scotch egg and a slice of manky pizza as she gets railroaded into yet another fuddle she wasn't expecting. Christmas is guaranteed to bring out the best in slag food.

She was looking forward to her own homemade soup for lunch. Bah humbug etc etc. She’s says her New Year's Resolution is to cheer up.

Well at least they didn’t expect her to fuddle her soup and there’s no need to cheer up. I have a proud record of never having partaken in a fuddle that I don’t intend to relapse on.

Daughter decides not to come round for tea tonight having exhausted herself Christmas shopping, I just hope she hasn’t exhausted her bank account too. So she’s dipped out of one of my meals again, I could get a complex about this.

L says as compensation I could take her to the pub if I wanted. But if we go to the pub today, then what will we do tomorrow? Go to the pub again I suppose.

In the end we stay in and admire our new candle bridge which is just like next door’s. Don't you just hate people who copy. It was an expensive acquisition from B & M Bargains, the go to place.

(Wednesday 20^th December)

A Little Bit Of Jane Austen

This morning MD and I pace Daughter around Forest Rec parkrun in 36 minutes. MD is delighted that I don’t make him do it in 25 while L puts a brave face on being on the sidelines but she will probably head off to drown her sorrows in Waterstone's later.

After breakfast at Homemade, I head off to the match where Derby draw with Birmingham.

In the evening we’re all (L, Daughter and me) at Pride and Prejudice which is being staged at Nottingham Playhouse. Yes, you heard correctly.

There is however a cunning difference here. This version is by comedian Sara Pascoe who is basically having a bit of a laugh with Jane Austen’s esteemed novel and questioning the modern day relevance of it.

This is a play for people like me who think oh no, not another costume drama of (insert populist play here). Ok, so this is a populist play but done with a difference, with satire and it’s not subtle either. For starters the whole thing is set in a giant birdcage.

The story is, mostly, an abridged version of the traditional one e.g. there are still five daughters to be married off and boy are they obsessed with finding a husband. Pascoe however questions this obsession and many other aspects of the story both within the main play and also by frequently switching the action to the present. Where discussions about the play take play in a school, the actors explore their own roles in rehearsals and there are two TV producers editing their own version while having their own very modern relationship, illicitly.

There are also songs from Emmy the Great in which the Bennet sisters plead with us not to judge them. As if.

The whole thing might upset the purists of course, hopefully, but I thought it was very clever, very well done, well acted and above all rather funny.

(Saturday 23^rd September)

Everyone's A Winner

L wins a swimming bag full of accessories (floats, paddles, googles etc) from the City Council. This was through a prize draw where you got an entry each time you completed one of their points cards, which got stamped after each visit to the Leisure Centre. Considering how often she’s there, it would have been hard for her not to win. I’m still on my first card but now it appears I may be too late to submit it.

The bag is actually bigger than her existing one which may not be a good thing if she can cram even more into it considering her back trouble.

A cosy night in for five tonight with a homemade Lamb Saag.

(Friday 7^th April)

An Embarrassment Of Riches

We get a lie in until noon then we head to the Homemade Café on Forest Rec for ball chucks and Sunday lunch. Lunch is ok although slightly minuscule and a bit overcooked. Whether this will be enough to get me through an intense two hour track session remains to be seen.

In the afternoon L heads off for a session at Puregym in Beeston before I pick her up on the way to the track. The cycling is as intense as usual and really busy tonight.

I survive and we head afterwards to the Horse and Jockey where they have an embarrassment of riches on the dark beer front with no less than three new ones although I only mange two of them. These are Ferry Stout from Lincoln and Law Man’s Onyx from Glasgow. We can pop in for one of those when we pass next weekend.

Back at home later, we’re just snuggling up in bed for a bit of late night romance when Doggo decides to have the most intense and prolonged coughing and choking fit. He keeps us all up most of the night and just when I thought I’d pulled. 

(Sunday 12^th February)

Some Sort Of Exercise

The big day arrives... and we could have kicked it off with a parkrun as they always put on extra ones on Christmas Day. However the brutal 9am start is a good reason not to, along with the persuasive argument provided by the several pints of Gorilla that were consumed last night, then there's the weight of dog across my ankles and finally there’s the inviting female body beside me. Best stay in bed me thinks.

Later we open some more presents before heading off to meet my folks for a lunchtime pint in the Admiral Rodney. L walks MD there, chucking balls as they go. The two old men, Doggo and I, take the car.

After a couple of drinks we head back home for Christmas lunch where Daughter awaits and Son and his girlfriend soon join us.

Some juggling and oven rotation is always required for cooking large meals and this year even more so as we also have a veggie option to cook but I think we pull it off.

Its Stilton pate to start, then goose and\or Quorn substitute with Sage and Onion stuffing for main. This is my first attempt at Sage and Onion, as I usually make the stuffing with sausage meat, but it seems to be a success. L has done homemade Christmas Pudding and Apple Crumble for afters.

Naturally once the dinner is all done we all sit around not quite knowing what to with ourselves, as is the way on Christmas Day.

Son is on a bit of a tour, having spent last night and this morning at his father’s. He had intended to stay over with us tonight before heading to his girlfriend’s parent’s in Stoke in the morning. However, in the end the pull of a longer lie-in if they go to Stoke this evening prevails and they leave us early evening. They leave armed with full squash and badminton sets as his gf is desperate to get him involved in some sort of exercise. We wish her every success. 

(Sunday 25^th December)

An Artisan Evening

Tonight we are off camping again, unfortunately this time it's not for pleasure it’s for the Vitruvian.

We head to Rutland Water straight from work armed with homemade pasta, some artisan bread from

Sainsburys (well, the best they have in Chaddesden) and a new brush to clean dog detritus out of the tent. The brush is made of wood, so it's dual purpose in that it can also be used to tap any wayward dogs on the nose.

Camping on site will give us an extra couple of hours in bed. Well it does for the support crew at least. We have a reasonable pitch not far from the start line from where they will be able to yap at everything from the comfort of their beds. 

I just hope we didn’t keep our neighbour from his shut eye with our riotous evening of pasta, red wine (just a little) and each other. Race preparation isn’t just about sleep.

(Friday 28^th August)

Performance Enhancing Muesli

L sends me to work with homemade Granola. I’ve always avoided Granola as I have no idea what it is. It looks just like muesli and now I know it tastes a bit like muesli, although perhaps muesli on performance enhancing drugs.

Having struggled to schedule in a training run this work. I enter Friday’s Jagermeister 10k, despite having un-officially having retired from 10k’s. L joins me, despite having un-officially retired from everything fitness related, not that we believe her.

The latest load of... on the BBC website, which categorizes L has having the body of a weightlifter.

She takes that badly. Don’t know why when you look at GB’s Zoe Smith who’s been impressing us with a new British record this week.

This 'clever piece of technology' then tell me I have the body of a basketball player, rower, tennis player or a pole-vaulter. Female ones. Clearly I’m not tall enough to be a male basketball player... Or possibly I may be a male Moldovan archer. I think not, although that has just about covered everything. I’d love to be able to pole-vault.

L's sister is a 100m sprinter, a male one. If only she'd have known earlier she'd have done some training.

L would rather be a sailor, having watched Ben Ainslie and co. Sailing? She worries about getting a puncture on her bike, imagine the sleepless nights about capsizing.

MD is due at the vets tonight for his annual booster and he’s terrified. I suppose with good reason, not only did they once remove something from underneath his tail, last time they squirted the kennel cough vaccine up his nose. He toughs it out.

(Tuesday 31st July)