Not The Ashby 20

The Grindleford Gallop goes ahead on Saturday. I tease L with the prospect of the Sleaford Half which is still on for Sunday but I was only joking (I think) and knowing our luck they’d cancel it as soon as we turned up anyway.

There’s also the fact that we wake up, after our (possibly last) night out last night, to find it’s raining heavily. So it’s not really the sort of weather than makes you long for a 20 mile run even if Ashby have still been on. Some folks are doing a virtual version of the race instead. I think I’ll leave them to it.

When the rain eventually stops we have another go at the Bleep Test with Daughter, this time at Forest Rec and on flatter ground. It’s a case of ‘close but no cigar’ for Daughter. She did have a hangover today and she does has time to crack it. I’m in though, if they want me.

We have coffee in Homemade but they are no longer doing Sunday Lunch so we go to the Nurseryman instead.

Then a suspicious photo of a puppy arrives on WhatsApp. It appears my brother has a dog or will have when they pick him up in a week’s time and it looks like a Border Collie.

(Sunday 15^th March)

Bring On The Druids

MD comes up on my Facebook as a cute puppy, ten years ago. Although not exactly ten years ago because the photo was taken on a beach in Norfolk just before he erased most of his cuteness by chasing a little girl across the beach.

Back to the present day and tension mounts on Dog TV with the Lad chewing on a bottle of shower gel. Hands up who forgot to follow the house rules and remove all bathroom items from the Lad’s reach? Clue - it wasn’t me. I add shower gel to this week's shopping list.

Monday is the Dog Club’s Christmas Meal but I’ve had to take a rain check on that because Derby are playing Nottingham Forest. Yes, on a Monday night. Thanks for that Sky TV. Everyone is well pissed off about it as this local derby is normally a full day of merriment for many. I hope all the viewers enjoyed the 0-0 draw.

Tuesday’s final dog class of the year is on. The dodgy lighting seems to have been fixed or at least have dried out. No scrub that, it’s raining again.

While all the attention centres on what the Lad is up on Dog TV, I’ve yet to see MD get out of bed. I did see him have a good bark at something but he didn’t get out of bed to do it. Then suddenly we notice that they've swapped beds but no one saw it actually happen.

I submit our entries for next year’s Great North Run and notice a new question on the entry form ‘I wish to be included in the non-binary gender category for this event Y/N’. I am tempted to say yes, in case there’s chance of winning the category. I wonder if there’s a trophy.

Wednesday is our final pizza of the year or rather it isn’t because The Yard is closed for a private party. So we go in the nearby The Merlin instead. I’ve not been in there before and now I know why.

I’m out in Derby later for a few pints in the Brunswick while L is at her Mum’s, so she kindly picks me up afterwards.

Thursdays is our final squash game of the year and L’s final tennis. 

My squash opponent informs me that tomorrow is the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, and something they oddly always celebrate as if they were druids or something. This is the day when traditionally cattle were slaughtered so the animals did not need to be fed through the winter and when the beer that had been made during the summer had finally fermented and was ready to drink.

I tell him that we will join in the celebration. Perhaps not with a slaughtering but I might open a beer. First though I pop to the gym for a quickie. 

(Friday 21^st December)

Plastered

We start the week by getting plastered. I just hope the chap doing it is better at getting plaster on the walls than he is getting his van on our drive. At least he tells me he is happy with L's stripping as he gets down to work. We leave Daughter plasterer sitting or rather trying to prevent the dogs getting plastered.

Monday night’s dog training is declared a puppy session and two people we haven’t seen for ages promptly turn up with their new dogs. So it’s puppy mayhem and the Lad thinks he’s in heaven e.g. I can’t get him to concentrate on anything.

On Tuesday Derby are away at Manchester United in the League Cup. I pay for a day’s worth of Sky Sports (oh the shame), so that I can watch. I advise L that she may wish to be out for the duration but I think even she is looking through her fingers as Derby win on penalties.

Wednesday it’s dogging and a pint with L in the Nags Head after she’s visited her parents.

I manage to bike Wednesday and Thursday but tennis is off as my opponent is away. So L is the only one on court this week. While watching her session, I can see why we struggle to get an indoor court on a evening. Of the eight courts, three are taken up by lessons and a fourth with a cardio tennis class.

L plays again at 4pm on Friday. Does even Serena train this often? On Friday we also do our 6am run.

Then in the evening we’re off out on the razz. It’s one of our neighbours 75th birthday party at the Beechdale pub. Not a place we’d normally frequent but it’s nice to live life on the edge occasionally.

L picks him up a Party 7 as a birthday present or at least the modern equivalent. In this case, Adnams Ghost Ship. We should have took it with us as at the party there’s a buffet but no beer. Amazingly, despite advertising three ales, the pub has run out of cask beer on a Friday night. I resort to bottles and we watch our neighbour drinking lager all night but he says he’ll cope with his Party 7.

I then spend Saturday morning arguing with my optician about the un-recyclability of his contact lenses solutions. He supplies us at least 100% more than we need, in bottles that cannot be emptied without stabbing with a large knife and are made of plastic that cannot be recycled. He is as immovable as am I.

(Saturday 29^th September)

Even Puppies Need A Powernap

When the plumber said they'll be back tomorrow, I expected them to be around at the usual time but clearly whatever they were trying to finish us for has detained them this morning.

This delays the boys' park session although L reports that the puppy is curled up in his basket not looking too bothered. She had just removed a Brillo pad from his mouth. That is after the slippers, trainers, some polystyrene and a snail. He sounds like he’s been a busy boy, no wonder he needs a powernap.

They turn up eventually to finish off their work while L sits in the garden until it rains, which it didn't do for me when I was supervising. I head over later to check all is done to our satisfaction, which it is. They have been very efficient.

No sooner am I back at work than an email from them pops into my inbox. They are also very efficient with their bill.

(Friday 8^th June)

I Go To A Running Club

On Monday, I go to a running club. Now there’s a first, I think. This is a Portland Leisure Centre and normally they meet too early for me but today is a Bank Holiday, so getting back from work isn’t an issue. Would I go again? I don’t know. It was very competitive.

I get home on Tuesday to realise we forgot to hide the peg bag. Note to self: Buy more pegs as we’re now running a bit low thanks to the Lad.

On Wednesday I’m on the bike and get caught in a brief shower which isn’t brief enough. It’s also looks like it might come back for a second go at me when I cycle home but it holds off. Which is a good job as I get stranded after suffering a puncture.

I only got as far as Spondon and I suspect it was caused by a wooden splinter from the ‘It’s a Knockout’ obstacle that’s currently masquerading as the footbridge over the A52. I change the tube but my pump won’t inflate it, probably because the pump is full of this morning’s brief shower. I make plans to stash my bike at a local shop and get the bus home but then L offers to ride out to rescue me which means I can make it on time to dog training.

Therefore on Thursday I’m on my best bike which is like a pair of comfy old slippers and by that I don’t mean they’ve been well chewed by a puppy.

It’s also tennis and my opponent advises I bring a baseball hat, just in case. I’m not sure if that’s just in case it’s sunny again because we both struggled with the sun last week or whether he’s expecting rain. I guess the hat will be dual purpose.

L meanwhile goes over to visit her folks in Mickleover on the bus which can be quite a long arduous journey. I tell her I’ll have a large one waiting for her when she gets home. 

(Thursday 31^st May)