The Big Questions In Life

Monday is the Dog Club’s Annual Christmas Meal, held as ever at the incredibly slow serving Chinese in Hilton. Who don’t seem to be quite so slow this year, so it's probably a bit unfair of me to hold them up due to the A50 being briefly closed, to remove a vehicle, while I was on it.

On Tuesday evening , L visits her folks while I take the boys dog training. She is impressed when I show her how to link her ipod up to the car with Bluetooth and therefore relieved to be saved from yet another episode of the Archers. She rewards me by leaving me some of her killer soup, nice and spicy, for post dog training recovery.

I’m out in Derby on Wednesday, where my mate and I have a couple pints in the Brunswick. As it’s Christmas I offer to pay for a curry purely to keep us out of Wetherspoons but I didn’t expect the Shalimar to charge up £65 for two. He does contribute but I’m not sure we’ll be going there again as it seems to go up in price every time we go. L meanwhile is being indulgent at home, home alone with a pork chop and a bottle of red.

One of the big questions in life is why do most Advent calendars have the days in a totally random order? What purpose does this actually serve? It takes an age every morning to find the right window to open, particularly when you’re feeling under pressure with two dogs glaring at you waiting for their daily treat.

L is struggling on with her aching hip. Not running but still swimming, and managing to climb out of the pool unaided, as well as gym-ing. On Thursday, she bites the bullet and runs home from Pilates.

I can tell she is worrying about her lack of running fitness because she’s asking how she can find out what the last runner's time was at the Brighton Marathon last year. It’s not easy to find out because the results are grouped by age category. Someone in the 60—65 category took 07:43:48 but I bet she wasn’t last. I imagine someone much younger was last. Basically though, L will be fine. It’s months away anyway.

On Thursday, Daughter is off ‘skydiving’ and, in her words, ‘bricking it’. She's also skipped breakfast. Probably wise, just in case. This is indoor skydiving which is basically a wind tunnel tipped on its side. It looks great fun.

I run from work, doing a convoluted 10k route to Borrowash before getting the bus. 

(Thursday 19^th December)

Impetuously Planned

It’s a strange weekend. L gets up early on Saturday but not for a parkrun. She heads over to Leamington to see Son for some Christmas shopping. I walk the boys and then I’m at the match. This sees the second dreary performance by Derby in four days after more of the same on Wednesday. A point then and a defeat today. Although both are made better for some decent tributes to Jim Smith.

They axe L’s train on the way back and she has to return via Birmingham. When she eventually gets home it is bearing Stay Puft shaped gifts, Irish Cream flavoured and 9%.

In the evening we are out with friends. First at the Herbert Gilpin, Paste and then Brewdog. This gets me out of Sunday’s Bolsover 10K, where I have yet to return since getting the prize for 3^rd placed Veteran Lady a few years ago but it was probably full anyway. Although we did do the Shepshed 7 after going out with them last year but we were young and impetuous then. That’s probably not accurate, as we’re getting more impetuous all the time.

On Sunday the Lad isn’t interested in a lie-in and nor is L, who is stressed about the training run I have impetuously planned for her. While I just want time for last night’s Thai Curry to work its way through my system. In the end the run happens mid-morning with the three of us leaving a distraught and howling MD at home. We run the same loop that I did with Daughter the other week although L takes a shortcut home for around 7.5 miles while the Lad and I carry on to complete 10.5 miles.

Then after a bacon sandwich and a shower, the four of us crash back in bed. When we get up the second time it is dark. Where’s the rest of the day gone? We feel like such teenagers for lounging in bed although, obviously, the teenagers wouldn’t have done a run first. 

(Sunday 15^th December)

Says It All Really

My first day back at work is accompanied by the sad news that former Derby County manager Jim Smith has died. He was manager of the club for over six years from 1995 to 2001 and took Derby up to the Premier League where they twice finished in the top 10.

On Wednesday I meet my now retired ex-colleague in the Yard for a lunchtime pizza. It’s good to catch up even though he’s only been gone a couple of weeks.

In the evening while I’m at the match, L opts out of arguing nicely over balls in the mud with the boys and takes them for a walk instead. She survives, ta da, and seems rather pleased about it. It’s probably easier than playing the mind reader with MD. We all know he wants a ball chucking but which one and where is it is another question. It’s usually the one that’s now in the Lad’s mouth.

Work offer us a Christmas bottle, either a bottle of spirits or a bottle of decent wine. It’s usually three bottles of indecent wine, so I usually opt for the spirits. This year I decide to put my trust in the company’s wine experts and go for a decent bottle of red wine.

The weather on Thursday is foul and L enquires if I’m still planning on running. Sadly, yes. My sympathy is already with the bus driver. That is if he’s in the mood to let a wet bedraggled runner on to his bus. In the end I keep it to six miles and it doesn’t actually rain on me at all.

L is at Pilates and asks me to pop a bottle of wine in the fridge for later. Yes, we’ll need to toast Boris/drown our sorrows (delete as applicable). It’s General Election time again and I pull an all-nighter until 3:45am.

Friday is our staff Christmas Party, Secret Santa and also Christmas Jumper day. It's also Friday the 13th. Says it all really. Friday the 13^th is also the first day of Boris’s new Government. Says it all really.

Festivities are also going on at L’s place, where the mulled wine is flowing. At ours the free pizza is flowing. L will be heading off for a run with Daughter later, which could be eventful with one of them hobbling and the other sloshed.

In the afternoon many of our staff travel down to our southern office which is where this year’s Christmas Party is being held. I decline to join them. It’s usually a drunk fest anyway and being so many miles from home it will be a drunk fest without an escape route home. They’re also starting the drinking on the train down which means it could get very messy very quickly. 

(Friday 13^th December)

Outwitted By A Christmas Pudding

On Friday we head up to the Lake District for our traditional pre-Christmas weekend away where we take in the Great Langdale Pudding Run.

I leave work a little early in order to get home for around 5pm to collect L and the boys before tussling with the M6.

We stay in Elterwater for the first time in a cottage called The Stables, because it was once some stables, that’s just across the road from the cottage hire place. Which makes getting the key rather easy.

After unpacking we attempt to get a drink in the Britannia but it was too full to even get in the door. So we end up at the Wainwrights instead which, by contrast, is very quiet. I suppose Jennings axing Snecklifter doesn't help. That was the main reason we went there and the lack of my favourite Lakeland tipple will certainly hamper my race prep.

The run is on Saturday, with a 12:10 start to fit in round the bus timetable, and it’s rather damp and misty. Although it’s nowhere near as wet as last year. There are 700 of us in the 10K, which is now no longer split over two days and means parking all the cars is quite an issue but they just about cope. We make sure of a space by arriving early and parking in the National Trust car park by the Sticklebarn. It’s a choice of £7 donation to National Trust to park there or a £5 donation to the Brathay Trust if you park in the race car park. Both are worthy causes.

Many of the runners are in fancy dress and I dress up as a frozen turkey still in its shrink rap, as I try out one of L's new ponchos in a bid to keep dry. Although I don’t run in it.

Perhaps I should have done as it might have given me an excuse for being outwitted in the race by a Christmas Pudding that although it huffed and puffed its way up the one big hill, it positively rolled down the other side. Although not stopping for a mull wine at the drinks station, as I did, gave it a distinct advantage.

My time of 47:49 is 22 seconds quicker than last year, a small victory I suppose. They hand me a Sainsburys Christmas pudding as I cross the line, which will no doubt sit in the cupboard for most of the year. We’re not big Christmas pudding eaters. Much more to my liking is the Hawkshead's Dry Stone Stout they had on in the Sticklebarn for a post-race tipple. In the evening, we are back in the Wainwrights to eat and it was again very quiet.

On Sunday, we have breakfast in Slates, the refurbished and rebranded cafe in Elterwater that only opened in September. Then we do a photo session for the family Christmas card, both in front of the cottage and in front of the Christmas Tree in front of the Britannia.

After which we do a walk up to Shelwith Bridge and then round to Little Langdale, mostly dodging the showers. We have a pint in the Eltermere, where we've never been before, before finally making it to the Britannia in the evening. It is quieter with it being a Sunday but not by a lot. We eat there despite the Lad’s attempt to get us chucked out by not letting any other dogs share the back room with us.

We go down to the New Dungeon Ghyll for breakfast on Monday before shopping in the Co-Op at Chapel Stile, a ball session in Ambleside and then a cheeky Brodie's Prime at the Hawkshead Brewery before heading home. Visiting both sets of parents on the way.

(Monday 9^th December)

Contentious Christmas Lists

Apparently it's now sexist to give a woman a fitness type present because you'd be intimating that they’re overweight. So if I wanted, say, to buy L a £3,000 Peloton exercise bike she’d be offended, throw the bike in the bin and leave me. Rather than, say, do the sensible thing e.g. say thank you and flog it on ebay.

It seems ok, however, to buy one for a man. Well, at least, I think that’s the case but then I also thought treating men and women differently was the definition of being sexist even though they are different, obviously. Just shows what I know.

Then again, what does buying a girl black tights, a padlock and a stick of Body Glide say about her? Just don’t ask the BBC. And does it make me sexist for buying them for her, even though that’s what she’s asked for?

On my list is this year’s bike part - two sets of brake shoes, along with running shoes and a sports bag. All of which obviously imply that I think that L thinks I’m fat. She really will be running off with someone more exciting.

 

Meanwhile L’s Mum however is buying her perfume. Now there’s a can of worms just waiting to be opened. I’m sure her Mum doesn’t think she smells. Oh to be one of the perpetually offended.

Tonight L starts a new Pilates class for three weeks at the St Leonard's Centre opposite our local library. I couldn’t possibly comment. 

(Thursday 5^th December)

Another Anniversary

I’m at a gig in Leicester tonight. So it’s a case of rush home, get changed, eat toast, chuck a few balls then hare off down the A46.

Support tonight at Leicester Academy 2 comes from the Marsicans, who I saw last in March 2018 supporting Feeder at Rock City. The indie quartet from Leeds go down pretty well with the crowd and are constantly being touted as the next big thing but they’re still not really doing it for me unlike tonight's headliners. They always hit the spot.

The joy of We Are Scientists, apart from their music obviously, is the banter. These are two guys, Keith Murray and Chris Cain (momentarily forgetting drummer Keith Carne), who don’t take themselves too seriously or even seriously at all. There are always plenty of jokey moments between them, quite often at their own expense, which is rare for an American band. Those American singers usually take themselves far too seriously. Which is probably why they’ve had much more success over here than at home and why, presumably, they’re always over here. We just can’t get rid of them. Only kidding guys...

Tonight is in itself a joke. This is a tour to celebrate the 50^th Anniversary of their album 'With Love & Squalor' which was released in 2005. So their maths is a joke too or perhaps they’re just hoping that no one will notice when the album came out. With it comes rumours that tapes have been found of an acoustic show that the band played opposite the site of Woodstock Festival in 1969. Hmmm. 

They are introduced tonight by their road manager in a bit of a rambling announcement that to be honest falls a little flat but once the music starts, things are far from flat as they play the entirety of ‘With Love and Squalor’ in order. It is immediately striking just how many tracks from this album are usually in the live set anyway. There really are no fillers on it. It’s also feels a bit strange that they are saving none of these gems for later.

They are calls from the crowd to drop in a few B-sides from that era too which the band, I feel rather unfairly, dismiss out of hand naturally with a joke or two. Seeing as they actually released another album ‘Crap Attack’ a year later which was a compilation of B-sides, covers and different versions of songs on ‘With Love and Squalor’ e.g. a blatant cash in, this seems harsh. How good for instance, and how funny, would it have been to see them reeling out their cover of Sigur Rós’s ‘Hoppípolla’.

Instead, after a short break, they return to run through a set of songs from their other five albums, four of which come from their latest LP ‘Megaplex’ but also includes classics such as Ghouls, Chick Lit and After Hours from their excellent ‘Brain Thrust Mastery’ from 2008.

They return a third time to play an encore of Too Late (from 2016’s ‘Helter Seltzer’) and Dumb Luck (from 2014’s ‘TV en Français’). A top night.

I head home to L who, along with MD, is in bed while the Lad balances precariously on the top of the stairs waiting for me.

 

(Wednesday 4^th December)

Puppyhood

After my improbably quick time on Sunday the old legs are a bit stiff the next day but I’m winning the battle against the stairs at work so all’s good. L continues her recover in the gym.

By Tuesday the legs are good to go for a bike ride into work. L is in the pool with her new festive swim hat. She’ll be getting the Christmas socks out next. She reckons she’s a bit like MD, returning to her puppyhood as she gets older.

Whereas L is possibly getting more festive with every year, I’m getting less so. Although she does point out that I put the tree up last night and its only 2nd December.

This is true and I’ve just picked up a couple of advent calendars for the boys, which I got cheap because Advent has already started. I’m sure the boys won’t notice.

I’m already thinking I’ve peaked too soon festively and I’m wondering when can I take the tree down again.

The main reason I put the tree up so damn early is that I wanted to try to get a photo of the boys in front of it with their antlers on for our Christmas card. I like to think that our Christmas card is anticipated as much as the John Lewis TV Advert but I know I'm deluding myself and unfortunately I couldn’t get a decent photo anyway.

L runs 4k later and seems surprised she did it. That’s on top of doing double gym.

(Tuesday 3^rd December)

The Poisoned Baton

On Saturday we don’t Parkrun as L is still feeling injured although she does go to Pilates. I go to the match in the afternoon.

We stay in later because I have the Notts Christmas multi-looped Half Marathon at Holme Pierrepont on Sunday. Shoot me now. It’s as dull as ditch water but necessary dullness training-wise. L was booked into do it too but she has now passed that particular poisoned baton over to Daughter.

Daughter seems keen (perhaps not quite the right word) to do it, but she says she'll be crap but then she does say that about a lot of things. Instead L runs there, which is a decent stretch. I offered her the Lad’s services but she declined.

The race doesn’t start until 11:30, and I would normally be a fan of such leisurely starts but I’ve got to get a move on afterwards before the dog club’s AGM at 3pm.

The race goes astonishingly well for me in a 'I didn’t know I could do that any more' sort of way. I start off way too fast and then get faster. I start off doing 7:50 miles before accelerating to almost 7:30 miles. This is largely the fault of the two girls who overtake me early on, chatting away as they pass as if it was no effort at all. Naturally I undertake to catch and then pass them again. I am egged on in this venture by my new friend who I shall called ‘Steve’ because that is what it says on the front of his number. This may not be his name because Daughter is running with L's number and therefore under her name. 

‘Steve’ is also trying to catch the girls, most probably for different reasons to me as they are all in their 20s unlike the old codger that is me. Anyhow we pass them and then hope to drop them, well I do but I suspect Steve would like to run with them, but as it turns out dropping them seems impossible anyway as they're just too damn fast.

So aided by a flat course, the novelty of no wind at Holme Pierrepont, lots of nagging from ‘Steve’ and the two ‘passed but not dropped ’ girls constantly breathing down our necks we sprint over the line in 1:41:42. Extraordinary. I ran 1:47:47 here last year. It’s my fastest time since a 1:40:38 at Peterborough in October 2017.

The two girls finish about 30 seconds back and Steve goes off to chat them up while I collapse in an uncivilised heap.

Meanwhile Daughter who got injured the last time she ran at Holme Pierrepont repeats the trick again with her knee stopping her completing it. At least it all means that I’m in plenty of time for my AGM, which goes very well.

L and I head into town later and after four pints in Drafthouse Victoria we go to the Noor Jahan for a curry. We’ve not been here for a while and they’ve done away with the cheap three course menu they used to have. So it’s not as cheap as it was but it’s still a decently priced meal and with an excellent starter’s platter.

(Sunday 1^st December)