I record a positively pedestrian 27 minutes mainly because
my dog, MD, decides to become a pedestrian half way around. So either he really
is struggling with injury or he’s struggling with old age.
Then we're at Broadway for the first time in ages, taking in a film for the first time in ages. Summer is a poor time for films of course...
It’s the late 19th Century in Virginia during the
American Civil War. Waiting out the war in their girl’s school are the
proprietor of this ‘Seminary for Young Ladies’, one teacher and five students.
Everyone else has left.
Sofia Coppola's new film ‘The Beguiled’ is either a second
adaptation of Thomas Cullinan’s novel or a remake of the 1971 Clint Eastwood
film of the same name, which ever you prefer.
One day while out in the woods, one of the students, comes
across Corporal John McBurney (Colin Farrell) of the Union Army who has been wounded
in action. She brings him back with her where they lock him in one of the rooms
(for his own safety presumably) while the school’s proprietor Martha Farnsworth
(Nicole Kidman) tends to his wounds.
Oddly Miss Martha decides, in the name of Christian charity,
that they should let his injuries heal before they hand him over to the opposition.
This, obviously, has nothing to do with the fact that Martha, along with the
rest of the all female household, have become immediately smitten with by their
hunky find.
The room is unlocked and McBurney's presence starts to disrupt
the previous calm as they all compete for his attention, giving him presents, cook
meals for him and generally dress to impress.
He repays their affection with affection, although it is
mainly focussed on Martha and the school’s only other ‘adult’ teacher Edwina
Morrow (Kirsten Dunst). Being younger than Martha, Edwina clearly believes that
she is the most appropriate recipient of the Corporal’s attention. Although she
doesn’t take into account Alicia (Elle Fanning), the oldest pupil, who is also determined
to be in the running. The school quickly descends into a mini civil war of its
own.
When he is fit enough to leave, he tries to stay on as their
gardener but Martha, evidently sensing she is losing the war, vetoes that idea.
So instead he declares undying love for Edwina. That could have worked but didn’t,
when she caught him in bed with Alicia. So she pushes him down the stairs,
breaking his leg which Martha then swiftly amputates.
He doesn’t take this well, as you would expect, so they
again lock him in one of the rooms (for their own safety presumably) but he
sweet talks Alicia into letting him out. A seemingly repentant Edwina pursues
him to his room where she throws herself at him.
Martha and the others are cleared hacked off at these
developments and therefore decide to murder him with poisonous mushrooms.
It all sounds quite exciting on paper but believe me, it
wasn’t. It’s such a slow burn, full of pensive
ambiguous scenes, there's absolutely no chance of anything catching fire. It is
far too inoffensive for its own good. Airbrushing war and sex out of a film that
should seemingly be about war and sex. Not to mention racism. A 19th
Century house without coloured staff?
Coppola won Best Director at the Cannes Film Festival for
this. Really?
After the film we visit the Old Angel in Hockley which I
haven’t been to for decades and that would probably have been to see a punk
band. It’s a lot quieter these days but still sort of radical, just in a different
way. Then we move onto spend the rest of the night in the Kean’s Head.
(Saturday 15th July)
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