We have a dog show today near Newark but our first run isn’t
until around lunchtime so I let L talk me into running the Newark parkrun first. I
had only intend to ‘support’ as it looked a bit muddy to me and that’s not my sort of
thing but I coped ok in the end. This was L’s 50th parkrun so celebrations all
round for that. MD had to support of course as he’s competing later.
When we get to the dog show it is parking chaos, which is
somewhat worrying as my club are using this very same venue next week. We will
have to do better with the parking.
MD’s first run is a bit of disaster when he misses a contact
point and I am asked to leave the ring for manhandling my dog. I was gentle
honest. Our other three runs are not much better, we miss two lots of weave
entries and have several poles down. It’s early in the season, that’s my
excuse.
Later we head to Broadway for food and a film.
'The Revenant' is a western style ‘epic’ inspired by the
exploits of frontiersman Hugh Glass (Leonardo DiCaprio) engaged in fur-trapping
in the wilderness of the northern Louisiana Purchase in 1823. It is directed by
Alejandro González Iñárritu brought us 'Birdman', enough said.
Glass's party are repeatedly attacked by the local natives
who decimate their numbers. Having to abandon their boat, they end up journeying back to their camp at Fort Kiowa on foot.
While out scouting, Glass is attacked by a grizzly bear
after disturbing her cubs or perhaps she thought he was after her fur. The
attack is brutal and leaves him seemingly mortally wounded. Taking into account
his injuries and the fact that this is the middle of winter and the temperature
is well into the negatives, his crew assume he’ll be dead within hours. However Glass
is so highly respected that his boss Captain Henry (Domhnall Gleeson) pays for
the mumbling mercenary John Fitzgerald (Tom Hardy) to stay with him until he
dies to give him a proper burial. Along with him are Glass’s half-Pawnee son
Hawk(Forrest Goodluck) and his friend Bridger (Will Poulter).
Fitzgerald is not happy when Glass does not die quickly and
tries to hasten the process but Hawk catches him. In the ensuing fight he kills
Hawk as Glass watches on. In the end Fitzgerald abandons Glass in a shallow
grave, still alive and now determined to avenge the death of his son. At which point Glass
crawls out of his grave and heads for home...
In real life Glass really did survive being mauled by the
bear but I think his story has perhaps been passed down and repeatedly
re-embroidered over far too many glasses of wine over the years. From here on
in his journey to exact revenge becomes more absurd with each scene.
Glass takes a trip down the river and is swept over the rapids.
This would have drowned most man, let alone someone who has just been savaged
by a bear. Not Glass though, as for the hypothermia that would surely have
followed this dunking. Nope, not Glass.
He is then attacked by another bunch of natives and gets
shot before he and his horse plunge over a cliff to what is surely certain
death this time? Nope. Well the horse didn’t survive it, which is fortunate for
Glass who has the strength to gut the dead animal and sleep inside it. Ewwww.
Eventually our Revenant hero returns to camp and Fitzgerald, who has
already made it back, legs it with the contents of the camp safe. Incomprehensively
just two guys go after him but this ably sets up the revenge finale.
I suppose the Revenant is not supposed to be a film
in the normal sense, it is an ‘experience’
and an impressively bleak one at that. It is also an extreme case of
style over
substance. It has a great cast, stunning locations, amazing
cinematography and the ‘how the hell did they film that’ factor but also
practically zero
character development together with a ridiculous plot.
In theory all of the good points above should have been able
to deliver a great film which could all have been done and dusted in a lot less
than two and a half hours but I think this is minimum running time for an Oscar
nominee.
If DiCaprio gets an award for his two and a half hours of
crawling and grimacing then it will probably be because they feel they owe him
one. We already know he’s excellent at crawling and grimacing from The Wolf of
Wall Street. Also if he wants the gong that much to put himself through all
this, then for God's sake just give the man his Oscar and let's all move on.
I’m assuming he didn’t use a stunt double because if he did he’d hardly have
ever been on set and that man should get the award instead.
Time for a few pints of Buttermuch at the Borlase me thinks.
(Saturday 23rd January)
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